Do you know this? Your child paints a picture, and someone says "That's all scribbly." Your child builds a tower, and someone comments "But it's crooked." Constant little needle pricks from the environment. The picture book "In Here, Out There!" (here on the blog as a free e-book 🎁) tackles this exact topic and gives a surprisingly simple answer.
The main character, Jakob, experiences exactly that: Everyone complains. The neighbor scolds, the teacher grumbles, even his mother nags. Jakob's reaction? He simply doesn't listen. Luckily, you have two ears: "One for in and one for out."
This book is a fantastic occasion to talk with children about the art of "staying true to oneself" and the art of healthy boundaries. Here are the Top 10 aspects that offer a good opportunity for a deeper conversation while reading aloud:
1. Healthy Boundaries 🛡️
That is the superpower that Jakob masters in this book. He doesn't let hurtful or unnecessary criticism get to him. The book shows children that they have the right to draw an inner line and decide what they let into their "heart" and what they don't.
2. Self-Protection (Emotional Hygiene) 🧼
The "In Here, Out There!" method is an act of mental self-protection. Jakob protects his good mood, his creativity, and his self-image by simply letting the negativity "pass through". It is a child-friendly metaphor for emotional hygiene.
3. Dealing with Criticism and Negativity 🗣️
The book is full of (mostly unjustified) criticism. It is the perfect occasion to ask: "How do you think Jakob felt then?" And: "Do you have to listen to everyone who says something stupid?" Children learn that not all criticism is justified or helpful.
4. Selective Perception (The "Filter") 🎧
Jakob is not deaf; he uses a filter. He actively decides who he gives his attention to. This is an important skill in life: learning to distinguish the important from the unimportant, the constructive from the destructive.
5. Inner Strength and Self-Esteem 💪
Despite all the headwind, Jakob stays true to himself. He doesn't let himself be discouraged from painting, playing, trying, learning, or discovering. His self-worth obviously does not depend on the approval of these complainers. He knows what he likes, and that is enough for him.
6. The Power of Positive Affection ❤️
The turning point of the story is the one person who does not complain, but rather turns to Jakob with love and genuine interest (in the book, it's the grandma). This shows the contrast: While negativity bounces off, positive affection is "let in". This teaches children, how important it is to be that positive person for others themselves.
7. Individuality (Having one's own mind) 🎨
Jakob is a child with "his own mind". He doesn't let himself be forced into the mold that the adults want for him. The book is a wonderful plea for defending one's own individuality and interests.
8. Empathy (and its absence) 🧐
The book is also a mirror for adults. It shows how often we carelessly make negative comments. You can specifically talk with children about this: "How could the neighbor have said it more nicely?" or "Why do you think the neighbor was so grumpy?"
9. Focus 🎯
By ignoring the background noise from outside, Jakob can concentrate on what is important to him: painting, balancing, and discovering the little "parachutes" (dandelions). It is a lesson in how boundaries help to focus on the positive.
10. Finding (Inner) Peace 🤫
The "In Here, Out There!" mechanism is also a way to maintain inner peace. Instead of getting drawn into every conflict, breaking out in a tantrum (like Egbert), or becoming insecure (like Tamia), Jakob chooses the path of inner peace.
"In Here, Out There!" is an encouragement for all children to sometimes grow a "thick skin" – not in the sense of being cold-hearted, but as a protective shield for their own, valuable inner self.
